At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
