I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
vagina is talking i cant
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
