I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i think my cat just said my name.
When are your genitals available?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
