I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
