So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
