i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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