omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
