Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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