It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
