just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
