A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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