watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
