I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
