Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
