Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
