tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
