My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
