You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
