Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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