Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
