I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
