apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
