I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
