In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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