just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
