we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
