he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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