So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
