I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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