I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
