oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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