I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sarcasm needs its own font
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
