Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
