There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
