Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
a search helicopter?!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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