I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
