He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
