PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
worst night to have a conscience
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
