I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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