Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
