watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
