so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
