is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wow bdsm is so cute
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