The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
