she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
