i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
