The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
