May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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