Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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