I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
