The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
