I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's shark week go big or go home
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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