i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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